The Blank Page

The Blank Page

It’s two days shy of a month since I’ve written on my blog.

Why?

I  needed a break. You may remember me talking about entering Pitch Wars.  Well, I didn’t get in. It was a huge disappointment.

For days after when I sat down to write nothing would come.

And I mean nothing.

After some reflection, I realized why. I never allowed myself to process any of the disappointment from all the rejections since I began my journey two years ago.

Why? I’ve done this writing throughout my life in fits and starts and always the thing that stopped me was rejection. So I decided not to give the rejection any space in my head to keep myself from quitting.

So I kept writing. For almost two years straight.  I’ve been researching and submitting my short stories for the same amount of time.

But the Pitch Wars rejection was the spark that made my disappointment explode and hampered my creativity.

Hubby told me I should step back for a minute. I fought him for a while but then realized he was right.

So I stepped back.  The only thing I’ve been doing is reading because it relaxes me. It also is the rope I tied a knot in to keep a firm grip on my dream.

During this time, I’ve been seeing other writers successes. It left me feeling some kind of way.  But I kept seeing little affirmations here and there saying “don’t quit” or “you’ll get there” which countered those raw feelings. So I tucked those messages in my heart and kept regenerating.

As the end of October came ever closer, whether to do National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) was knocking on my door and making itself known.  But I pushed it away because I didn’t even have a spark of a story idea and wasn’t sure one would come.

About a week ago the spark came.

I scribbled it down in my writer’s journal and then walked away.  Now, on the day before NaNoWriMo is to begin, the idea keeps coming back to me. There are two characters floating around in my head arguing with each other.

What am I going to do?

Well, I think I will jump into NaNoWriMo tomorrow after I do some outlining today.  I will also get back to my daily early morning writing.  But instead of giving myself a word count, I’m giving myself a page limit. Four pages a day.  In my mind, that seems easier to achieve than the 2,000 words per day I was doing.

So I said all this to say I’m still here. I’m still writing. I just needed to take a break.

But I’m back now and it’s all good.

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